Session 180: Sunsebb 20 or Lacy Snows - Where Tactical Genius Goes to Die

<Change voice to one of acerbic wit> 

Another week, another delve into the thrilling world of Hommlet on day 20 of Lacy Snows (or whatever whimsical name the pointy-eared folk have conjured up this time). This means, if my calculations are correct, our intrepid heroes have been fumbling around for the better part of two decades in elf years.

This session kicked off with the dramatic reappearance of one JT, who apparently materialized out of thin air only to immediately return to his favorite state: horizontal and unconscious. A true paragon of heroism. The party, meanwhile, was in peak condition, described as "haggard" with clerics devoid of spells and healing potions scarcer than intelligent decisions in this group.

The ensuing debate about their dwindling resources was a masterclass in collaborative strategizing. Would they share their precious St. Cuthbert and Druid potions? The tension was palpable. One player, clearly a budding capitalist, even floated the brilliant "business idea" of buying all the potions in the future and then generously marking them up for his injured comrades. Such altruism warms the heart, doesn't it?

The pressing issue then became what to do with the aforementioned lump of unconsciousness, JT. Should they babysit him with the equally incapacitated Mark and Melissa? Carry him along like a particularly inconvenient sack of potatoes? Or perhaps wait for the elusive Crassus and his rumored Druid potion? The level of agonizing deliberation over this simple problem could rival the decision-making process of a particularly indecisive sloth. A vote was even held! Democracy in action, folks. Eventually, the brilliant solution was to just drag JT along. Problem solved! (Until combat, naturally).

Progress through the "moat house" (not "barrowmaze," much to one player's chagrin) was, shall we say, leisurely. After extensive probing of the perfectly sturdy floor, they reached a door, which JT was apparently keen to knock on. Luckily, Zorla, displaying a rare moment of foresight, suggested checking for traps. The inspection revealed absolutely nothing dangerous, yet somehow failed to inspire confidence. This pretty much sums up their investigative skills.

The door was eventually opened, revealing... an ambush! Who could have possibly foreseen that? Our heroes, displaying their usual tactical prowess, promptly tried to slam the door shut. Crossbow bolts were exchanged (mostly missing, thankfully, as their armor class is apparently a closely guarded secret), and the stage was set for another glorious display of disorganized combat.

Then came the pièce de résistance: Contristo's impromptu surrender and recruitment by the villain, all in the name of resisting the irresistible. One can only admire such dedication to… something. While Contristo was being efficiently removed from the immediate threat (and presumably contemplating his life choices), the rest of the party engaged the remaining guards with a mixture of missed attacks, wild oil-throwing, and general panic.

The oil vials, however, proved surprisingly effective, turning the tide in a way that actual combat skills apparently could not. The villain, Lareth, despite his honeyed words and claims of power, seemed remarkably susceptible to being doused in flammable liquids.

Amidst the chaos, Zorla fell unconscious, only to be revived by a timely healing potion from Azra. Teamwork! A truly rare sight. The battle raged on, featuring such tactical gems as flanking maneuvers that failed spectacularly, and attempts to backstab armored foes with daggers (spoiler alert: it doesn't go well).

In the end, through a combination of lucky rolls, persistent oil attacks, and sheer stubbornness (or perhaps the villain's utter incompetence), Lareth was finally dispatched. The session concluded with the promise of loot and a move to the dreaded "barrowmaze" next time. One shudders to think what strategic brilliance awaits them there.

One can only hope that in the intervening week, these heroes will have a long, hard think about the fundamental principles of adventuring. Or, more likely, they'll just show up next session and continue to provide us with this weekly dose of delightfully inept entertainment. Until then, may your rolls be ever in your favor (unlike theirs).

Session 179: A costly win

Elf-log day 20 of Lacysnows, but the humans calls it Sunsebb. We were in the dungeon of the moat house, still reeling from our recent battle with a group of zombies. It was a strange place, where things seemed to blink in and out of existence, like our companion, JT, who vanished into thin air.

We took some time to regroup and plan our next move. As the party's designated spellcaster, I had to consider how much magic we had left. While I had a sleep spell and burning hands, Azra had used all her spells for the day.

We began discussing our options and marching order. The party was concerned about JT, but he is likely fine, just in stasis somewhere. The party was trying to figure out who should be in the front, middle, and back. It was decided that Zorla and Fietje would take the front, Jensen and Mark the second rank, with me and Crassus in the third, and Azra and Opellle in the fourth rank with Farro and Contristo in the rear.

We debated whether to head back to town or explore deeper into the moat house. I was for pushing forward and clearing the rest of the moat house. We wanted to be sure we weren't leaving anyone behind who could cause trouble later. The others mostly agreed, so we moved to discuss how to proceed. We decided to explore the area south of our current location, then head west where we had encountered some gnolls and then finally check the area where Grug had died.

As we discussed our strategy, I noticed that both Zorla and Fietje had taken some damage. Zorla was able to get a potion from Opelle and heal. Zorla also got a potion from Opelle and felt the healing power coursing through her body. 

We got our marching order straightened out, and I told everyone to let me know their thoughts. We discussed that we had previously explored to the east and that we had come down some stairs to get where we were. I thought we should keep going deeper into the moat house, but we knew we had to assess the damage and make sure that everyone was ready for another fight.

We went over what we saw in the previous exploration. We remembered the room where we had all been trapped and where some of us were injured. I thought the middle door was probably the one that had been trapped, but someone else thought the southeast door was the trap. We were sure that there were more enemies down here as we had not yet found the necromancer we were seeking. I hoped that we would find Elmo's stuff.

After a short discussion, Farro went ahead to scout. Afterwards, we moved down and entered a room where we had previously fought. There was still blood everywhere. Zorla used a 10-foot pole to explore the room. We all had trouble seeing the doors due to the dimness, despite our torches. After a bit, we were able to figure them out. After that Zorla moved and we looked around a bit. We noticed some beds in one area, but it was otherwise empty and quiet.

I thought we needed to investigate an area of the floor that looked like it had been repaired. We called for Crassus to come and investigate the floor and the door because he was our party's thief. He was confident the door wasn't trapped, but when he investigated the floor, it was just dirt and not treasure.

After a thorough search, we moved to the next room to the west, where we found a lot of waste. We decided it was time to push on and see what was behind the other doors. Zorla opened one door which revealed a small chamber. Then Adam opened another door which turned out to be where Grug died, and we saw dried blood on the floor.

We went through another long passageway and reached a fork in the road with a passage to the west, stairs going down straight ahead, and a passage to the southeast. The group voted to take the stairs, but I was concerned about not clearing the rest of the area before moving on. We decided to go west first, and then we started smelling rot. We heard an unnatural noise, and then suddenly we saw ghouls.

We quickly retreated, with Contristo dropping caltrops behind us. The caltrops hit some of the ghouls, but didn't stop them. Zorla fired a crossbow but missed. The ghouls engaged our party, and one of the ghouls attacked Zorla but missed. Opelle threw oil and burned one ghoul. A ghoul attacked Fietje, and he was paralyzed. Another ghoul attacked Zorla and she was also paralyzed. Azra tried to drag Zorla back but it was too risky. Another ghoul attacked Mark, and he also went down.

I pulled out my holy symbol and tried to turn the undead, but failed. Farro moved to attack the ghoul, and Jensen also joined in. Jensen attacked but missed. We continued our desperate combat. Opelle threw more oil and took out another ghoul. I tried to use my bow to hit another ghoul, but missed. Crassus attacked but missed. Another ghoul attacked and Mark was reduced to zero. Crassus was able to attack it and kill it. The last ghoul attacked Opelle and she was also knocked out.

Contristo threw daggers but missed. The ghoul turned to attack Jensen. Azra bandaged Opelle, and I tried again to use my bow but failed. Contristo moved again to attack the last ghoul, but also missed. Jensen attacked, but also missed. I tried an arrow one more time. And then Farro moved and failed to hit. Finally, Crassus was able to flank and kill the last ghoul.

I was relieved that the ghouls were all dead. Mark was paralyzed for five minutes, Fietje for ten, and Zorla for five. Mark and Opelle had taken severe damage and Mark will need several weeks of bed rest to recover. Opelle, fortunately, was able to recover with little lasting effect. We discussed what to do with Mark, and Jensen volunteered to take him to Melissa, which would take about 30 minutes.

I began to think about healing. We were low on potions and I wondered about Opelle's healing potions. We rifled through her bag and found her other potion. Zorla gave a potion to Mark. I gave my potion to Zorla. We then remembered that we had received some potions from the druids earlier. We did an inventory and found some more potions. We all took stock of how many potions we had left and decided we had two St. Cuthbert potions and one druid potion left.

We were all very tired and frustrated at that point, but we were alive, and we could not let our focus stray from the task at hand. It was then that we heard a mysterious rattling to the south. We decided to keep the doors closed. Jensen returned with word from Melissa and Mark that they strongly felt the force was to the east and we should not waste resources exploring to the west. I was ready for the fight to end, and I knew we all needed to regroup and gather our strength. I felt that despite being exhausted we were still in this fight and we would find a way to make things right.

Session 178: A grim observer Day 20 Sunsebb

From the shadows, I watch as the group of adventurers, so full of self-importance, bumbles into the Moat House. Their leader wastes time with a pointless marching order and roll call. They are so predictable, so easily manipulated with their petty squabbles over character quirks.

I revel in their small victories and setbacks. They defeated a group of bugbears and gnolls. A small win, but their arrogance grows. I delight in their bickering about experience points and weapon specializations. They are so focused on the minutia, they are blind to the grand design I have in store.

They fuss over a wounded companion named Melissa, who is out of commission for three weeks. The group debates whether to abandon or save her. Eventually, their 'moral' compass guides them to heal her. It is a temporary setback, but they'll be back to their selfish ways in no time. They leave her in a side room, as if that will keep her safe.

Their greed is a useful tool. They return to the main room to loot the bodies of their defeated foes. They are like vultures, squabbling over armor and weapons, and they carry it off into a side room. Such short-sighted creatures. They squabble about the best path to take through the Moat House. The idea of a hidden side door appeals to them. They must think they are clever.

They bicker and delay while deciding if they should go the way of the undead or the hidden side door. While they do so, they search the rooms, concerned about flanking attacks. One of them, JT, the fool, must explore a room called the "spider room," though it is a pointless side quest for such a predictable group. They are easily distracted.

My attention drifts to the map of the Moat House. I see the path they have chosen, and I chuckle. They proceed to the ogre room. There, they listen at a door and then step inside. It is dark and empty. They stumble into a room with a dead bird. How pathetic. Then, they go into a stinky room that makes one of them sick. The others laugh. Such simple pleasures for these adventurers.

The fools finally descend deeper into the dungeon, completely unaware of the traps I have laid. They move into a hallway and then into a room with a camouflaged cage in the ceiling. The group moves under the cage, as if there is no risk, and then moves out to examine another side room. How easy they are to manipulate. They are so predictable, and then they keep going. The cage is set up to drop on them if they are not careful. They are so caught up in themselves that they fail to see what I want them to see.

They move into a big room with three doors and a passageway. They discuss which way they should go. They look for secret doors and traps. It is such a waste of time. One of them, Crassus, has a modicum of skill at disarming traps. Still, it doesn't matter. He is still a tool to be used.

The group goes on a patrol around the room and is satisfied that there is nothing of interest. They talk about what type of floor is in the room. How idiotic. They light new torches and move towards the doors. One of them, JT, is clearly out of control. They open a door to an empty room. They tap the floor with a pole, as if that will save them. Another door, and they hear a clanking sound. It is the sound of a trap being reset. They never learn.

They are so focused on the small things, they do not see the larger threat. They open a third door and discover a secret passage. As they move to reset the cage trap in the hallway, they become divided. Some move back down the hallway and some go to look down the passageway. They are becoming exactly as I want them to be, distracted and divided.

Finally, they face the zombies. Their initial attack is strong, but they are divided. And they are stupid. As they throw oil on the zombies and attack them, I am pleased. This will be their downfall. One of them, JT, falls in the first round. They bicker about tactics. They have no idea what they are up against, or what they will soon face.

Their "heroics" are simply pathetic. They manage to defeat a few zombies, but at what cost?. It is a small victory in a larger war, and they do not yet realize they have already lost. Their game is almost up, and I look forward to the next act, because they will be coming for me, whether they know it or not.

Session 177 Moat House Mayhem - Day 20 of Sunsebb

Grrrr! We were ready, waiting at the top of the stairs in the stinking moat house. The call came, intruders! We bared our teeth and readied our bows! We saw the pathetic creatures come into the open, crossing into our territory. They were slow and clumsy, easy targets. Hah! We let loose our arrows! A female in shiny metal screamed as two arrows found her flesh. They tried to run like cowards, but they were clumsy, blocking each other!

They scattered like rats onto the ice. Some slipped and fell, hah! But they still reached the wall of the moat house. We shot at them again, sending two arrows into a clumsy fighter who had slipped in the snow. He cried out, but he was still standing. They grabbed a rope and pulled him like a wet dog.

They dared to enter our room, and we saw them better. They were weak, but they were many. We moved to engage them. They used some trickery, some magic, and they could see in the dark. We sent more arrows, one hitting another of them. Grrr! They advanced down the hall. Then they threw oil. One of my bugbear kin was set ablaze, howling in pain. Hah! We met them in melee. They were like a pack of wild dogs, hitting us with their metal. More oil came, but this time it missed.

They attacked, hitting us hard. They used swords and axes and a strange morning star. They injured my group with each swing. Two of the intruders made it to the front, leading their pack. They took down my brothers one by one. Another of my kin was set on fire and was gone. A small one snuck next to me. He thrusted his sword, and I fell.

The battle ended quickly. They were too strong, there were too many of them. We failed to protect the moat house, but we fought like we always do. We will be ready next time, grrrr!

Session 176: A mysterious journal entry

Journal entry for day 20 of Ready'reat through day 20 Sunsebb

Another day, another debacle. We're holed up in this glorified inn, the "Welcome Wench," while we supposedly rest. Rest? More like stew in our own incompetence. We managed to sell some of the gear we plundered--mostly damaged junk--for a pittance. The local merchants are nothing but a bunch of scumbags, offering a miserly four and a quarter gold pieces for scale armor that Zorla has been patching and cleaning regularly. Eventually they coughed up eight gold, only after she called them out for their thievery.

Then there's the matter of food. This place has the audacity to charge 12 gold and six silver for a month of their "plain meals," which I imagine taste like boiled gruel. At least we managed to get that settled; I’m sure the food will be as bland as ever.

The others are obsessed with magic and spells, especially one named Opelle. Apparently she has a spell that requires powdered pineal glands of all things. She's been harvesting them from various humanoids. She and others are going on about "clairvoyance" and "clairaudience," as if those will solve all our problems. Turns out the “clairaudience” spell requires a silver horn worth 100 gold pieces that is destroyed when used, and I’m sure that’s a fine use of coin. The other spell, “clairvoyance,” seems less ridiculous as it only needs the gland dust that Opelle is so intent on collecting.

We also had to go and see some of the local leadership at the tower - Burne and Rufus. They sent us to clear out some “moathouse,” which turned into a bloodbath. We fought gnolls, bugbears, and bandits – the usual suspects. They even offered a bounty for the leader’s tunic (50 gold pieces) and soldier’s tunics (10 gold pieces). I guess that’s better than nothing, but hardly enough for the risks involved. I swear, if I’m not going to be paid what I’m worth, I’ll just pickpocket it back from these fools.

These local rubes are obsessed with scalps as evidence. As if a uniform isn't enough; Apparently we are supposed to bring both. Honestly, the things we have to do to get paid around here…

The group was also very concerned about healing. Burne said there aren't any druids or clerics available for adventuring. But at least the local druids gave us each two vials of some herbal concoction. And then, we had to go to the temple because apparently the clerics might have some healing potions because we complained enough. The temple wanted donations before they'd help us. So, more of our hard-earned coin went into the offering plate. We managed to buy some healing potions for an exorbitant 35 gold pieces each! Who even knew they cost that much? Each of us got one potion which, I’m sure will vanish in the next battle.

I was even talked into going to the temple by Morwenna, and I suspect it wasn’t for my conversation or charm. But, I have to admit, it was nice to get another potion.

The party seems very excited to be heading back to the Moathouse. Maybe we'll get some decent treasure this time, but knowing our luck, we'll probably end up fighting more monsters and wasting more money on bandages and overpriced oil. This little town is bleeding us dry. There’s also talk of leveling up which I’m told costs a thousand gold pieces. I don’t even have half that much and there’s no way I’m working with the seamstress for three silver a day.

I'm starting to think I should just take matters into my own hands. Perhaps I’ll start a “side hustle” in town.

Anonymous

Session 175: Conclusion of the ambush

 A Grueling Battle in the Moat House

The adventuring party without a name found themselves in a desperate struggle within the confines of the moathouse. What began as a straightforward encounter quickly devolved into a brutal test of their skills and resolve.

The party faced a diverse array of foes, including:

•Bugbears: These large, brutish humanoids were a significant physical threat.

•Gnolls: Towering, hyena-like creatures standing seven feet tall, some wielding battle axes and others long bows.

•Guardsmen: Human opponents, including a captain, armed with swords and crossbows.

The Tides of Combat - the battle was a chaotic dance of steel, magic, and desperate maneuvers. Early in the fight, a spell of bless aided the party, but its effects soon wore off, leaving them more vulnerable. Characters like Zorla found themselves the target of relentless attacks. The party had to adapt quickly, changing tactics and working together as a team. 

Key Moments and Tactics

•Contristo's Oil: One party member, Contristo, utilized oil vials to inflict burning damage, proving surprisingly effective against the gnolls. This was a clever combination with his dagger attacks.

•Weapon Variety: The battle highlighted the strengths and weaknesses of different weapons. 

•Flanking and Backstabs: Characters like Crassus and Melissa were keen to gain tactical advantages like flanking and backstabs.

•Missile Fire: Missile attacks were limited by the lack of clear targets.

Casualties and Turning Points

•JT's Fall: The party suffered a major loss when JT was felled by a morning star attack.

•Zorla and Nathaniel's Wounds: Zorla and Nathaniel were also severely injured.

•Morwenna's Critical Blows: Morwina made a series of crucial hits to damage enemies

Despite the losses, the party was able to turn the tide, eliminating several of the gnolls using fire. They eliminated key threats and gained the upper hand. The last gnoll was finally killed after several wearying rounds of combat. 

The Aftermath

The battle left its mark. Several party members were rendered unconscious due to their injuries. A serious wound check revealed that Nathaniel, Morwenna, and JT would be out of action for multiple weeks. Zorla managed to recover, but the healing resources of the party had been depleted.

Loot and Recovery

•Loot: The party gathered a substantial amount of loot, including a silver necklace with gems, gold pieces, weapons, and armor. They decided to sell it in town, distributing what gold, silver, platinum and copper coins they found amongst themselves.

•Contristo was stent back to town to hire a cart to transport the wounded and the equipment back to town.

•The encounter ended with the group deciding to spend some time in town while their wounded recovered from their serious wounds, with an understanding there might be as much as 5 weeks of downtime. They also planned to sell the loot they acquired and to restock their equipment. The party had been through an intense and hard fought battle tested them physically and mentally.

Session 174: Afternoon of Day 20 Ready'reat: Moat House Mayhem: A Close Call

Moat House Mayhem: A Close Call

It was day 20 of Ready'reat and the afternoon found us still buzzing from our previous encounter at the moat house. We were riding high on our victory against some of the moat house forces, but were very aware there could still be more waiting for us.

After a quick strategy session, it was clear that we needed to decide whether to push further into the moat house or head back to town with what we'd already accomplished. We decided against retreating because we knew that time was of the essence and the situation might change if we left. We also had reinforcements with us this time, and we were determined to put them to good use.

Our strategy was to use the enemy’s own tactics against them. Contristo, with his disguise skills, would don one of the enemy uniforms (thankfully, we found some that weren't too bloody) and lure the rest of them towards us by pretending that they were under attack. We set up a marching order for our group, much like we have in the past. 

The plan was for Contristo to run up and call for reinforcements and then lead them back to our fortified position. We were concerned about a potential trap or ambush, so we decided to have a fail-safe in case Contristo's disguise failed. We organized our team so that some would be in a second rank and others a third, fourth and fifth rank.

We made sure Contristo had a crossbow and long sword to help with the disguise. One of our concerns was that there might be someone hidden at another entrance to the building. We discussed how to best handle the enemies once they arrived, considering whether to create a bottleneck or to surround them.

After a lot of discussion, we settled on a plan: We would lure them into the room and then ambush them, hopefully with some missile fire and oil. We had a bow, crossbows, and daggers for missile attacks. We were also considering using oil to turn them around and trap them.

It was then that we heard a shout from the west, calling for the "black wolf". This caused some confusion as to which direction was being referred to (east or west), but we quickly decided that meant they were coming from the east. Contristo yelled for help, using the code name. Zorla began banging her sword on her shield to create the sound of a fight, while Morwenna screamed as if she had been stabbed. A low hooting sound grew louder as our enemies approached.

We scrambled to get into position and Morwenna cast a bless spell to increase our chances of hitting our enemies. Suddenly, one of the enemy appeared at the entrance, shouted something about a pale moon, and then retreated. Contristo threw daggers at him as he retreated, hitting him a couple of times, and then finally killing him with the third throw. Zorla was going to drag the body back into the room, but was persuaded otherwise.

We then made the decision to secure the door behind us with a dagger, and Contristo wanted to retrieve the ones that were thrown. We were wary of another door and we tried to secure that as well. We lit torches to be able to see. After attempting to set some bedding on fire, we decided against it and then Zorla provided torches.

Contristo went to retrieve his daggers and was shot with a crossbow for some light damage. We now knew their location, but we also knew that advancing on them was going to be difficult. Suddenly a mass of enemies charged through the hallway at us. We had to move to form some kind of defense. 

The fight was long and intense. We took down several of their guardsmen, and a couple of bugbears, but not without losses. Our hawk companion, Echo, fell in the fight, and Azra was knocked unconscious. We made use of the oil to burn the guardsmen, and Azra made use of the grease spell to cause more havoc for our opponents before she fell. We were able to take down a number of our opponents but the gnolls with battle axes changed the tide against us. We managed to hold our position, but we were in a very precarious situation, facing the reality that we could be defeated at any moment.

Unfortunately, we were running out of time, but hopefully Farro will reappear to help us turn the battle back against our foes. This battle was one of our most challenging yet, and we were lucky to have come out of it as well as we did. We’ll regroup and prepare for the next round.