Session 187: Tales from the Traveler's Hearth: Coin, Combat, and Curious Choices in Hokk

 

Greetings, friends, from my humble abode in Orlane. Though my feet remain by my fire, my ears and heart often journey with the brave souls who pass through our lands. Recently, whispers on the wind carried tales of our adventuring companions as they found themselves amidst the bustling chaos of Hokk, or as young Vilma cheekily calls it, HCO after its dragon-filled airport. Let me share some of the noteworthy happenings that reached my attentive ears.

A Shopper's Paradise (and Predicament)

It seems the lure of a well-stocked market was strong! Our nimble thief, Nora, found herself contemplating the weighty choice between a practical leather curious and a more visually appealing lamelar armor. The debate over movement versus looks, and the gnawing reminder of debts to pay, painted a vivid picture of a character wrestling with practicality and personal vanity. In the end, the lighter, cheaper curious won out, a wise choice for a budding shadow. We also learned of Nora's keen eye for unusual treasures, as she later bartered a hauntingly perfumed flask, a platinum cloak clasp hinting at forgotten magic, and a nostalgic ivory comb with a shrewd shopkeeper. Her storytelling skills, I hear, were as potent as any enchanted item!

The Weight of Wealth (and Waning Value)

A significant portion of their time in Hokk was spent navigating the murky waters of economics. It appears the adventurers, like many seasoned travelers, had often relied on gems as a portable form of wealth. However, the shifting tides of the market have complicated this practice, with gems no longer fetching their full value in trade. Our generous host, the DM, recognizing this unforeseen difficulty, offered a welcome solution: a secure lockbox system within the larger cities. This will allow our companions to store their hard-earned coin safely and convert their purchased gems at their full value this one time. A wise move, indeed, to alleviate the burden of carrying heavy riches and the sting of devalued treasure!

Forging Fortunes and Futures

Hokk proved to be a place of growth and transformation. Several of our heroes sought out training to hone their skills. The lithe Los embraced the shadows, becoming a fifth-level thief, undoubtedly a more formidable force now with thrice the backstabbing prowess. The steadfast Cairo continued his path as a guardian of the wilds, achieving the rank of fourth-level ranger. And young Wear'em, ever the curious soul, advanced in both martial and arcane arts, reaching third level as a fighter and a magic-user. Such dedication deserves admiration!

However, the path to mastery often requires coin. Wear'em, finding himself short of the necessary gold for his magical pursuits, found generosity amongst his companions, a testament to their camaraderie. Such acts of kindness, even with the gentle nudge of interest rates, speak volumes of their bond.

Gleaming Discoveries and Difficult Decisions

The bag of holding, a wondrous repository of their accumulated finds, yielded more than just coin-related concerns. A magical heavy crossbow and a magical handaxe were unearthed. The crossbow, once identified, promises to add considerable firepower to Wear'em's arsenal. The elven-sized plus two brigandine armor, after a careful examination of its properties compared to existing gear, found a worthy wearer in the agile Adam. The decision to sell Wear'em's previous plus one scale mail proved financially beneficial for the entire group. Such strategic choices in equipment will surely serve them well in future encounters.

As their time in Hokk drew to a close, the question of their next destination arose. The allure of returning to Orlane, a familiar sanctuary, was weighed against the potential rewards of seeking better trading opportunities in other, perhaps larger, cities. The mention of Bogtown and Iron Guard Mott, settlements not far from Orlane with their own unique character and industries, offered enticing possibilities. The decision, it seems, remains with our intrepid travelers.

From the bustling markets to the quiet contemplation of new skills, and the strategic management of their resources, the sojourn in Hokk appears to have been a significant chapter in their ongoing saga. As Vilma of Orlane, I shall continue to listen for the next whispers on the wind, eager to hear where their path leads them next. May their journeys be filled with both challenge and reward!

Session 186: Vilma describes the further adventures of "The Saviors of Orlane"

Well now, pull up a stool, dearies, and let old Vilma spin you a yarn about our brave adventurers! Seems they were at it again in that dusty old barrel maze. It was day 17 of Apache Wall, and the clock had just struck 4:10 in the afternoon.

They were in the midst of that barrel maze, you see, having just tangled with some rattling bones and a spooky ghost that vanished right before their very eyes. Quite a start, wouldn’t you say? They had a bit of a chinwag about which way to go next. It seemed they were mostly keen on heading east.

Now, young Feno was their caller for the day, poor Los was running a tad late. They were looking at their maps, and young Quinn, bless her heart, wasn't quite sure if the eastern path connected the way they thought it did. Even their expert mapper was a bit stumped! That room they were in was a mess, all melted bones and rubble, and darkness stretching eastward. Mighty quiet, it was, save for the odd drip and a strange sound now and then, just to keep them on their toes.

Young Aron, or was it Air-in? Anyway, one of them had updated their picture to look more muscly. And they were talking about how the little tokens don't always look quite right. You know, with this newfangled AI, anyone can make a new token if they like.

Then they got to talking about what happened with those bones. Seems young Los – spelled L. S., like that place with the big bombs, Los Alamos – had doused them in oil and set them ablaze after something wiggled in 'em. And then that apparition popped up asking "Why? Why?". Well, because it was creepy, of course!.

Torches were getting low, you see. Norsha – I think that's N. O. R. C. I. A. – had a torch, and Los had a candle, though not right with them at that moment. Cairo, same as that place in Egypt, needed more oil for their lantern. Feno, they lit their last torch. And Aron, well, Air-in was carrying a ten-foot pole.

They got their marching order sorted: Feno and Air-in up front, then Callack – C. A. L. L. A. C. K. – then Norsha and Nikki, and Cairo and Los bringing up the rear. Speaking of Los, seems Vilma here – that’s me! – has been telling their stories in my own little way. Hope I haven't mangled too many names!. Oh, and apparently, I break the fourth wall all the time, talking about Roll20 and Discord and whatnot. More than meets the eye, this old storyteller!.

Feno was back to being the caller, which everyone seemed happy about. That Nora, she gets called Nora with an “a” at the end, not just Nor-ah. Young Los eventually showed up, and they all agreed to head east. Air-in started moving, and someone else took control of the token since Feno didn't have the full map. They went east six squares at a time.

They moved past the smoldering bones and charred metal. There was an open door, but some thought they should explore south first. Air-in kept tapping their pole. The floor was solid, though a bit rocky, and the walls were crumbled in places, dry here but swampy in other parts. Standard limestone rubble, looked like it fell from the ceiling. Hard to say if it was just decay or something more dramatic, like a siege. Didn't look new or wet.

Then it was eastward ho! Los lit a candle. They went back around the bones – nothing moving in them anymore, just a bitter smell. Cairo could only hear the clanking of their boots and armor; not a quiet bunch, these adventurers!. They passed that open door with the metal embossing of a book. "Oh, I remember this room!" someone exclaimed. It was some kind of apothecary or alchemist's room, but in a terrible state – broken shelves and smashed glass everywhere. Couldn't see a single thing intact. They had a quick look around, their boots crunching on the debris. Lots of footprints already in there. Then, back to heading east.

That eastern blackness wasn't a wall; more to explore there, and to the north and south too, off the map even. Most wanted to go east. They got their bearings on the map. Someone recognized the area, said it was the second entrance to a stairwell. They went up the stairs and popped out near the barrel marsh. Just wanted to connect the map, you see, all those unconnected blobs!. Splish splash through the marsh, a bit of exploring, just wet boots as the only trouble. Then back inside.

It was late afternoon, getting a bit cool. Back in the barrel maze, they were in a room with an altar and some skeletal remains. Flavor, they called it. They considered going northeast on a diagonal path, but someone blamed the deck of cards. South and then northeast seemed the preferred route. Couldn't find a picture someone was looking for. They decided against a north door; Cairo remembered a nasty smell.

So, south it was, or southwest, or back to a door they'd found before. Closed, it was. Someone checked it for anything suspicious. Normal Barome door, with a pull ring. "I'm gonna open it!" someone declared. Oh, a memory! Something golden inside, like a... a sarcophagus. Last time they did that, it didn't go so well. Inside was a fearsome gargoyle statue and a sarcophagus with the lid off. Seems something nasty came out of that before, gave someone the "money touch". Someone nearly died. Dank smell in there. "Somebody should have a staring contest with the gargoyle!". That was before the font of law escapade. "Let's move out!". Seems young Aratzi got a mummy curse in there once. "I must not have been on that session," someone said, it being before their time.

So, they left that spooky room. Long dark passageway to the northeast, rubble along the sides. "The last time we were in this hallway, I think Nanor mocked us!". "Watch out for Nanor faces!". Eyeballs in the walls, you see. They moved diagonally, six squares at a time. And there it was! An eyeball in the wall, reptilian-looking. Slit pupil. Not blinking, just staring. Norsha – bless her impetuous heart – jumped at it with her dagger. Stabbed at it she did. Scratched it, and a puff of green gas spewed out. Choking and coughing, they all had to make saving throws against poison. Some succeeded, covering their faces. But Air-in didn't, even though they're strong against poison. Pyro succeeded. Nikki, the druid, made it too. But poor Los failed as well. Seems everyone needs to make sure their character sheets are configured properly.

Los and Air-in, their lungs felt like they were burning, took some damage. Nasty acid poison, but not immediately deadly. Spent some time hacking and spitting. Los, Feno, and Norsha with their lights. Air-in's watch said 5:10 PM. About an hour of exploring done. Cairo lit their lantern, second hour of oil. "Keep going," they said, "and not stab eyeballs!". Nora wasn't planning on stabbing anything for a bit.

Then they started smelling something unpleasant, different from the gas. "Probably a trash pit," someone guessed. And indeed it was! A pit with all sorts of vermin – cockroaches, worms, centipedes – consuming something at the bottom, ten feet down. Stinky, stinky!. They thought they'd cleaned it out before with green slime, but no sign of that now. Some of the bugs were quite large, foot or two long. "Can we burn them, please?" someone asked. But if they threw fire down, all those insects would come pouring out. Best to leave them to their grim work. They didn't seem to notice the adventurers anyway, too busy gobbling goodies. Doors to the east and west, and another one they'd found before, open it looked like. They wanted to go through the open door to the east.

"Not a goblin there, is there? Little red hat?". No goblin. They moved through and found a brick wall. Not busted down, interesting. Seems it just went to the room with the mud pool. Remember that pool? Made someone super feed out!. Or was that the one Zra splashed in?. No, this was the one where holy water mixed in increased your stats if you weren't chaos-leaning. But after they drank from it, it was no more.

They carried on east, past a passageway to the north and what looked like a broken door. Just looking at the walls, not stabbing or licking. Just Air-in tapping. Poor Air-in got poisoned by an eyeball, you know. They moved forward and found a pit they'd uncovered before. Looked like a crossroads – north, southeast, and west, with a door in the distance. "Keep moving east!". They went past the north-south entrances and into a new room. Empty, it was. North wall bashed down, east wall ajar. "A jar?" someone scoffed. "Can we open the jar?". You could move north, east, explore around, or go back. Had the group gone through that broken door before? Maybe to another map. "East calls to me!" someone declared.

They came into a small cubicle, looked like a closet. Los started feeling along the walls for hidden switches. Others helped. West wall, north wall, northeast, southeast, and south. Nikki found something up north, and Nora on the southeast – some kind of catch. They pointed it out to the group. Nora didn't want to touch it, just check for traps. Pretty sure the east one wasn't trapped. They decided to investigate the other one too.

While they were at it, Callack heard a faint dragging noise coming from the west. "Oh no!". Weapons out, ready for a fight. Shortsword and shield. "Hey, I think there's something down the hallway! Be careful!". Everyone heard it then. Somewhere vaguely from the west. Closer and closer. Ten meters, skin crawling. Nora popped that catch she said she wouldn't. The east one. Callback's senses told them something was right in front of them, but they couldn't see it. Started swinging their sword wildly, hitting nothing but air. "Come on, let's move!".

They all retreated back into the room Nora had just opened. "I think we need to send Air-in first because he has the ten-foot pole," someone said. Cautiously they went. The sound moved closer to Callack, inches away. Callack felt goosebumps, hair standing on end. The others saw an aura about Callack, their hair all electrified. Callack was almost paralyzed. "Somebody grab him!". Los did, and felt a tingle up their arm. Their hair stood on end too, but they didn't tense up like Callack, seemed immune to the paralysis.

Were they safe in the room now? No, Callack was still out there, and Los with them. Los tried to pull them in, but couldn't hold the weight. As soon as Los stepped aside, the tingling disappeared. "Can I close the door?". Roll of the dice determined Callack was blocking the way. Door couldn't be closed. Callack was still paralyzed. They could see Callack and Cairo’s lips quivering, muttering something. They needed to find the source of the magic.

Then Mr. Lo – that’s Los, remember – said they both let out a loud hiss, and a bunch of... well, let's just say "fleg" came flying out. And just like that, they could move again, aura gone. Slimed they were. Green slime, kind of yellowish-green. "Gross! You feel better, boys?". They did, but didn't remember much. Found themselves on the ground covered in their own... you know. Callack was back to normal. "Now, can we close the door?". Yes, they could.

They tapped their pole, exploring the small room. Solid walls, a bit messy to the west. "Is this a wall here? Cuz I can see beyond it". Elven vision, you see. Revealed a secret door! Magical, this one. Young La – that’s Los, who was late earlier – recognized the runes and tapped them in the right order, opening the door. "My gosh, it's like it was made for me!".

Opened into a strange quadrilateral room. "Let's go tap it!" someone said, confused about their previous quadrilateral room. Separate map now. Door to the north and east, and six horizontal burial alcoves in two columns on the southwestern and southeastern walls. Cairo corrected the geometry – house-shaped, inverted house. "Let's investigate the burial alcoves for glory and money and treasure!". Nora offered to check the doors for traps while they did that.

So, they all got to work. Some rummaging through alcoves. Callback guarding. Nora checking the north door – wedged shut from moisture. West door looked normal. As Los began plundering the alcoves, ghostly figures appeared, wielding swords, looking like armored knights. "Whoa!". "They're knights of the round table!" someone joked. Not so friendly, these ones.

Surprise attack! They all got to hit first. One attacked Callback, missed but felt a chill. One attacked Feno, missed badly. One attacked Air-in, missed again, another chill. Two attacked Nikki, one missed, the other hit for ten damage and a big chill. One attacked Los, and missed too.

Then our brave adventurers retaliated! Callack attacked with their magical shortsword, a natural 20! Nine points of damage. Feno attacked the one that hit them with Icing Death. They seemed cold creatures. Hit for ten damage. Cairo attacked the same one, missed. Air-in attacked with Wither Brand, hit for fifteen damage. Nikki attacked with Mr. Paws, missed. Los attacked with Gary, missed. Norsha backstabbed the one attacking Callack, triple damage! Eighteen points, but still up!.

The creature Norsha hit pressed on Callack, hit for eight damage. One pressed on Feno, missed. One pressed on Air-in, hit for ten freezing damage. Two attacked Nikki, both missed. One attacked Los, hit for nine damage.

Round two! Norsha, quick as a whip, attacked the one on Los, connected, four plus twelve damage, still up!. Feno attacked the same one, hit for seventeen, vanquishing it!. Second attack went for the one on Callack, missed. Callack attacked a ghosty, missed their first attack but hit the second, killing it!. Air-in attacked, missed. Cairo moved for a backstab, missed. Nikki attacked with Mr. Paw, missed. Los, with one hit point left, stabbed out with Gary, missed.

Another attack on Callack, missed. One attacked Air-in, missed. Two attacked Nikki, both missed. One attacked Los, missed.

Round three! Nora missed. Feno went for the one on Callack, got a backstab, hit for eighteen!. Callack hit and killed another one!. Air-in missed. Cairo got a backstab, hit for eight, plus four bonus damage, enough to slay the creature. Air-in got a backstab on the last one, hit for nine damage. Nikki missed. Los attacked with Gary, hit for two damage.

The creature attacked Air-in, missed. Two attacked Nikki, one hit for seven cold damage. One attacked Los, hit, and she went down, freezing creep going over her. Two hit points lost per round!. Nora attacked the one that took out Los, and defeated it!. Feno rushed to Los with a healing potion, four points, back to zero, unconscious but the freezing receded. One more action, Feno attacked one by Nikki, got a flank, hit for twelve, still up. Callack moved for a backstab on the one attacking Nikki, hit and defeated it!. Cairo got a backstab on another, twelve damage, slain. Air-in got a backstab on the last one, nine damage. Nikki missed. The last creature pressed on Nikki and missed. Then armed, Cairo, Callack, and Nikki all attacked, and Air-in destroyed the creature! Blast of cold sealed the room.

No loot left behind, just cold. Everyone shivering, feeling hungry. Torches and lantern went out, but not Feno's. Air-in's watch said 6:10 PM. They needed to get out of there, and take care of poor Los. Cairo lit a spare torch. Los was still unconscious. Nikki, the druid, used a second-level spell, cure light wounds, on Los, gained back six hit points, breathing easier, opened her eyes. But she had a nasty chill in her right arm, 20% spell failure and minus two to hit. Not curable by cure light wounds.

They searched the six alcoves and found a grand total of 64 platinum pieces!. Divided up, that's nine each and one for the bag.

They decided to head back to Orlane. Made their way back through the barrel maze, past the stinky insect pit. Up the stairs and out into the barrel marsh. Dark and dusky. Hurried back to Orlane, the marsh incredibly stinky and difficult to navigate until they reached the path. Glad to leave the barrel maze and marsh behind. Climbed up the trail into the dim forest, clothes sticking to them. Callack especially uncomfortable, shivering. Los's arm aching, cold, and stiff. They moved rapidly through the gym forest – that’s what I think they meant, not a forest full of exercise equipment!. Used more candles and torches to keep the way lit.

Stumbled back into Orlane, mighty happy to see the Foamy Mug, even though it's not as lively as it used to be. Fewer customers, many folks gone back to their farms. Still, they had food: plain dinner, dried bore with gravy, or the rebirth of Orlain feast. Our adventurers chose their suppers. Paid up through day nine of Ready Rate. One of them, bless their generous heart, gave the half-orc cook an extra electrum piece. Los did too, just wanting a sweet treat – got an apple crisp.

Then, exhausted, they all went to bed. Callack and Cairo headed to the river for a wash, chilly it was. Feno cleaned their armor. Day 18 of Patchwall dawned. Should they go back to the barrel maze or head to a big town to sell their treasures?. No shops recovered in Orlane yet, and the merchant train wasn't due. That meant a trip to HCO, or Hookill – though nobody seemed keen on Hookill. HCO was about a three-day trip, maybe five with travel back. They had horses, though.

They remembered some displacer beast hides they had. Heavy, about ten pounds each. Three by three sections, good for what they needed. They had breakfast in Orlane – thin porridge, griddle cakes, or a proper feast. Decided to travel to HCO for the rest of the session, stopping at waypoints along the road. Cost seven silver each per night at those hosts, plus their own rations. HCO was bustling, lots of folks camped outside the gates, looking haggard. The guards said finding a place to stay would be lucky. They paid the search charges to enter the city and would need to renew their adventuring badge – now seven gold pieces.

Young Randon was bringing Cheeky to HCO. They got their experience points for those spectral dead – 129 each!. Then it was time for Cheeky to sort out their spells as a level two illusionist. Five first-level spells and some cantrips.

Seems most of them needed to level up, which would take a week in town with a mentor and a thousand gold pieces. Someone reminded them of a quest they had. But our game master, Q, is off on holiday soon. So, they'll have some downtime to work on leveling up and other things in town through messages until they play again on the 17th of April.

They needed to sell their valuable items in HCO. But word was it's a buyer's market, so not so good for sellers. They started appraising things – a 1,000 gold piece oriental emerald and a 1,200 gold piece oriental amethyst, but the best offer was only 70%. A Jade Monkey idol appraised at 300, but they'd only get 200. A golden crown worth a thousand, offered 650, then only 50!. Two jeweled bracers worth 1,400 each, offered 910 each – barely 65%. Ouch!

They sold three bunches of staffire shards for 210 gold. Used 100 of that for appraisal collateral. Poor Air-in only had 280 gold towards their leveling up costs. Selling was proving painful. They decided to pick it up next time. They got some experience points for bringing the treasures back – 683 each.

Young Norsha needed to find some nomish-sized leather armor. Uncommon, so more pricey. Standard leather gives an armor class of eight. Seemed a bit confusing, all that armor talk.

And before they called it a night, they had a quick chat about the one-shot coming up in May, just checking if anything was off-limits – no devil worshiping or murdering children, apparently!. Just the usual standards. Nothing with spiders, or possession. Just being mindful of any touchy subjects. Seemed everyone was on the same page.

Then young R had a question about Cheeky’s hit points, all sorted out in the end. And that was that for their latest adventure! What will they sell? Will they find enough coin to level up? And what awaits them next in the world? You'll have to stay tuned for the next tale from Orlane!

Session 185: Calbach becomes...hot?

Well now, gather 'round, you little sparrows, for old Vilma's got a tale for ya, fresh as a daisy – though maybe a slightly moldy one, know what I mean? Seems our brave (or maybe just bewildered) adventurers were at it again in that dusty old barrel maze on the 27th day of… well, the year the chickens started laying square eggs, or thereabouts.

They were fiddling with that contraption, that Roll Twenty, right there in their Discord doohickey. Sounded like they were trying to wrangle spirits into their talking boxes. Knuck couldn't even log in at first! Then they were all clicking and joining, trying to see maps right there on their glowy screens. Fancy that! Back in my day, maps were drawn on parchment, and if you wanted to see 'em, you had to hold 'em right-side up yourself. None of this clicky-clacky business.

They were deep in the maze, somewhere around day seventeen of Patchwall, if you can believe such things. Sounded like they were in the middle of a barrel maze, which, let me tell you, is just asking for trouble. Barrels rolling every which way, probably full of who-knows-what. My Cousin Clem once found a whole nest of grumpy earwigs in a barrel. But these weren't worried about earwigs, oh no.

First thing they did was poke around some old archway. Now, archways can be funny things. Sometimes they whisper secrets, sometimes they just give you a draft. This one… well, it seemed to have a mind of its own last time they went through. But this time, when Callback – that one with the peculiar smell, you know the one – went through, nothin' happened to him. Not a thing! Though the fella narrating did have a giggle about a pig getting turned inside out. Don't ask me.

Then they went tippy-tapping down hallways with a ten-foot pole. Always a good idea. You never know what's lurking in those shadows. They found some rooms with bits and pieces of bodies. Skulls and ribs and such. Looked like somethin' had a good old munch. Gives you the shivers, don't it?

One room smelled somethin' fierce. Not good fierce, mind you, the kind that makes your nose hairs curl up and run away. Callback, bless his curious heart (or maybe his addled brain), had to go peekin'. Found some trash and bits. Then he borrowed a light and went right in. Found piles of somethin'. Turns out it was a slumped mass of rot in the corner, with flies buzzing and things shiftin' underneath. Then it popped and sprayed goo all over Callback! Oh, he was a mess, covered in stench. Tried washin' with his waterskin, but it just made him wet, sticky, and stinkier. Serves him right for pokin' his nose where it don't belong, if you ask me.

Then came the archway again! They went back through it, and wouldn't you know it? All that nasty stink vanished from Callback! Not only that, he smelled pleasant, like an oil prince. His hair was combed, his clothes were clean, even his boots were polished. Like he'd just come from a spa day! All the lady adventurers were lookin' at him different. It's like a shell peeled off him, they said. Odd as a three-legged cat, I tell you.

They stumbled upon a familiar room with a big pointy obelisk. Seemed like they'd knocked it over before. Gives you a bad feeling, those obelisks. They just stand there, judgin'. Nora, bless her cautious soul, didn't want to go any further. So they backtracked again.

Then they got themselves in a real pickle. They opened a sarcophagus, and out popped a cadaverous creature covered in green worms! Ugh! Gave everyone the frights. Callback and Arin ran off screamin'. Even Cairo and Nikki took off like startled rabbits. Feno joined in the fleein' too. Only Dwaram and Nora had the gumption to stand their ground.

There was a lot of fuss about savin' throws and initiatives. Sounded like a right kerfuffle. Los chucked a vial of oil at the wormy thing, then lit it with her candle. Missed the first time! But then she swung her staff and whacked that creature good! It crumbled into a puddle of slime. Good riddance, I say!

Poor Los got some of those worms on her too. Nora had to take her torch and burn 'em right off! Gave her a bit of a burn, but better than having worms wrigglin' under your skin, eh?

Then Nikki, while runnin' fit to burst, started castin' a cure disease spell on Callback. Took a good while, but it worked! Them nasty worms popped and dissolved. He was healed, though still had a faint whiff of rot along with his good smell. Queer business, this barrel maze.

Arin, meanwhile, was grabbin' a gold necklace from the sarcophagus. Never let a good treasure go to waste, that one.

After all that hullabaloo, they regrouped, wonderin' which way to go. Seemed like east was the preferred direction. Found a room with more piles of bones. Then they heard noises from the east. Ominous, I tell you.

Los, never one to shy away from a bit of… well, oddness, licked her finger to check for a breeze. Bless her heart. Then she tossed her last bit of oil on a jagged mound of rusty tools and bones, and set it alight with her torch. Up popped a mournful apparition that just looked at them and then vanished as the bones burned to slag.

Well, that’s where they left it for the night. Sounds like another grand adventure in that topsy-turvy barrel maze. You never know what those youngsters will get up to next! And between you and me, I wouldn't be surprised if that archway has more tricks up its stony sleeve. Keep your ears peeled, little sparrows, Vilma will have more tales before you know it!

Session 184: The log book of Vilma continues

Well now, isn't this a curious notion! Old Vilma here, tapping away at this… this glowy box thingy. They say it sends words out into the air like dandelion seeds on a summer breeze. Fascinating! And you want me to tell you about our brave adventurers, the ones who keep poking around in that smelly old barrowmaze? Bless their hearts, they're an odd bunch, but they’ve got spirit, that’s for certain.

Just the other day, it sounds like they found themselves a secret entrance! Imagine that, a secret in a maze already full of twisty turns. They went right back in, bold as brass, wanting to have another good rummage.

Then things got a bit… peculiar, even for the barrowmaze. There was talk of a splashy sound and a strange room they wanted to investigate. And above one of the arches? Well, they found a learing face that looked strangely like a distorted face of Armatzi. Frozen in a twisted leer, it was. Not creepy at all, they said! Honestly, you’d think after all they’ve seen, a stony face wouldn’t raise an eyebrow. But they did wonder if its eyes moved, bless their inquisitive souls.

Clever thinkers, they are. They even tried tossing rubble through the arch to see what might happen. Nothing much, just a rock flying and flopping. Though it did make a bit of a racket, louder than they intended, maybe. You never quite know what’s going on in those adventurer heads.

Then came the sneeze! Not one of the party, mind you, but the face on the archway! And young Aratzi felt some sort of strange connection. A holy sneeze, they wondered? Goodness me.

Further in, while one of them, Arnd I believe, was poking around with a ten-foot pole, wouldn’t you know it, several small creatures came out of the rubble pile! Sounded like centipedes. Nasty things, centipedes. Gnorcia, she’s got a real dislike for them, apparently. They all had to umm, prepare for their… their fighting readiness. Hammers flying, swords drawn, and spells… well, I didn't hear much about spells at that point, mostly just the squishing of bugs. Poor little things, they were someone’s pets, apparently.

After all that excitement with the creepy face and the creepy crawlies, they found a hidden catch and a door that opened with a dreadful stench of old death and rot. Inside? An inner space lined with small rectangular burial alcoves. Al-coes, they called them. Naturally, they had to go poking about in there too. Found some silver pieces, they did. Every little bit helps, especially in these times.

Then they were talking about resting and eating dinner. Smart move, I say. Can’t fight monsters on an empty stomach. And Armatzi, bless him, was going to be… switched out when they went back to town. Something about giving everyone a turn. Odd way to run things, but who am I to judge?

They came back to Orlane, late in the evening it was. The town… well, it’s still got its scars. Not the cheerful place it used to be, but we’re getting by. The inn was still serving food, though not the usual feast. Plain stew, fancy rabbit, or a right proper spread for the ‘Saviors of Orlane’. Sounded like Gnorcia went for the big one! That girl…

Seems they had quite the rummage through their bag of holding while they were here. Found all sorts of things! Shovels, bedrolls, and a rather impressive collection of gems. Though too pricey to sell here in Orlane. And wouldn't you know it, some magic leather armor and a magic longbow were tucked away in there! But the armor? Human-sized. And then some magic studded leather, elven-sized! Poor little Gnorcia, still no proper armor.

Back to the barrowmaze they went, bright and early (well, 7:30-ish). They found a stone door and wouldn't you know it, out popped some sort of creature! A coffer corpse, they called it. Didn't last long against Arnd’s hammer, thankfully. Inside the… well, the coffin thingy, they found a golden crown and two jeweled bracers! Shiny treasures! Just the sort of thing to catch a thief’s eye, eh?

Then they were off exploring another part of that maze, a room full of statues dedicated to gods they didn’t recognize. Human gods, they thought, all eroded by time. Sad, really. And wouldn’t you know it, they found a pit trap! Good thing for that ten-foot pole, eh? They tried asking their gods for guidance at a broken altar, but it seems that part of the maze is a bit… spiritually quiet.

Finally, they stumbled upon a long hallway and an archway with some… wiggling things at the top. Creepy stuff! Young Calbach tried shooting at them, even throwing his magic sword! Didn't do a thing. Then they had Lhoss climb up for a closer look, and a hand came out of the stone and grabbed her ankle! Mercy me! She used some sort of magic missile, and it just vanished into the stone. Spooky!

Calbach, bless his newly… un-wall-licking heart, even tried jumping through the archway. Said he floated for a bit. Then the rope they had tied to him came back all sticky! Ugh. They tried throwing rocks through, with all sorts of odd results. In the end, it was a simple lob of a small stone that seemed to do the trick. Though poor Calbach got covered in some sort of sticky film when he tried again. They’re always getting into some sort of scrape, those adventurers.

Well, there you have it. Another peek into the strange and sometimes smelly adventures of our friends. Who knows what they’ll find next in that maze of barrels! Old Vilma will keep her ears open and her quill… well, her fingers on this glowy box, ready to tell you all about it. Until next time, keep your wits about you, and watch out for sneaky archways!

Session 183: The Barrowmaze is still strange

Ah, settle in, dearies, and let old Vilma spin you a yarn from across the mists of time. These young adventurers I’ve been… observing… they certainly lead eventful lives, don’t they.

It seems just the other day they were traipsing through some dusty old Barrowmaze, a place that sounds about as inviting as a damp cellar. They were on the sixteenth day of their journey in a month called Patchwall, by their reckoning. Imagine that, keeping such close track! Seems like only yesterday I was counting the petals on daisies.

One moment they were pondering their purpose beyond the obvious lure of treasure – chasing after some troublesome necromancers, no less – and the next, a mouth appears right on the wall, bold as brass, mocking them and then spitting out teeth!. Land sakes, you never know what the day will bring, do you?

And what do these brave souls do after such a fright? Why, they decide it’s high time for a spot of lunch!. A little bit of dried pork, perhaps, or some hard bread and cheese. It’s funny, the way life carries on, even when the walls have teeth.

Young Armatzi, bless his heart, a cleric of some kind, felt a strong calling after a bit of quiet prayer in a room dedicated to a saint. The divine spoke to him, urging them eastward to cleanse a source of evil. It's always good to listen to your inner voice, especially when it has a bit of heavenly authority behind it.

Their path wasn't always clear, mind you. They had a spot of bother with a pit full of… well, let's just say unpleasant creatures that didn't take kindly to being set alight with oil. And then there was a stubborn brick wall that took some good old-fashioned elbow grease to knock down. Patience and persistence, that's the ticket!

They stumbled upon a hidden chamber, the St. Cuthbert room, a place that felt more comfortable to those with good intentions. It's always nice to find a bit of solace in a weary journey.

But the dangers weren’t far behind. They were set upon by some skeleton guards with glowing eyes and a nasty ooze that could eat right through armor!. It’s in those moments, when facing the teeth of adversity (not the wall kind, this time), that true mettle is tested. They fought bravely, using their wits and whatever weapons they had to hand, even if sometimes their aim wasn't quite true.

Their efforts were rewarded, as is often the way. They found coins, a mysterious magic book bound in red velvet and goblin hide, sturdy armor, a battle axe, a shield with a silver tree, and even a little jade monkey. You never know what treasures lie hidden in the dusty corners of the world.

One of the most intriguing discoveries was a room covered in ancient paintings, frescos depicting old gods and a “tablet of chaos” entombed to the east. It seems young Armatzi’s divine nudge was spot on. Curiosity, as always, led them to peek into a nearby room filled with rotting insect bodies – a reminder that not every discovery is a pleasant one.

They even found a secret passage leading right out to the familiar stench of the Barrowmarsh. It’s funny how the most unexpected paths can lead you back to where you started, or at least somewhere familiar. After a long day of peril and discovery, they decided to call it a night and head back to Orlane, perhaps for a slightly less than joyous welcome, given the state of things.

These young ones, they remind me of my own adventures, long ago. The world is full of strange happenings and hidden wonders. You just never know what’s around the next corner, or behind the next brick wall. It’s important to keep your wits about you, listen to good counsel, and maybe, just maybe, pack a hearty lunch. And who knows, maybe one day they'll even figure out that curious spell of combining things. The world keeps turning, and the stories keep unfolding

Session 182: A return to Orlane...and the Barrowmaze

This report documents a series of notable events observed in and around the settlement of Orlane during the month of Patchwall. The observations are presented without subjective interpretation, focusing solely on the sequence of occurrences as they unfolded.

The session commenced with discussions among a group of individuals in Orlane, highlighted by the presence of the priestess, Misha Devi.  She is presiding over the sole temple dedicated to the goddess of agriculture, Merikka. A point of contention was noted between the followers of Merikka and those adhering to St. Cuthbert, a figure of significance within the increasingly militant nation of the Gran March.

Orlane has endured a siege, with widespread damage affecting various establishments, including commercial properties such as a shop and a jeweler, as well as the Golden Grain Inn. The Foaming Mug, situated on the eastern side of the town, remained intact. The demise of an individual named Rhame was mentioned in connection with the defense of Orlane. It was recounted that the group of individuals, who appear to be adventurers, had previously found refuge in the Slumbering Serpent inn, described as having a more welcoming atmosphere than the Golden Grain. 

Past actions of the group were recalled, including the defeat of a spirit named Explicitca Defilus, which seemingly alleviated a negative influence on the town’s populace, leading to an influx of new settlers. The current leadership situation in Orlane is marked by the loss of the mayor and most of the defense forces, with Allen Clayborn and two elves, Dorian and Llewellyn, attempting to restore order.

A discussion ensued regarding the evacuation of villagers. Two members of the group, Gnorcia and Lhoss, volunteered to retrieve them. The remaining individuals went to work assisting the town's recovery efforts, including clearing debris, patrolling, and agricultural aid. It was clarified that such assistance would not be financially compensated and that the adventurers would need to cover their own expenses. The Temple of Merikka was noted to provide healing items, specifically holy water at a reduced cost, and maintained a need for certain components like poison glands and troll blood for other remedies. 

A significant event involved Gnorcia's journey to the city of Hochoch, accompanied by Arnd, to seek a solution for a missing limb. In Hochoch, the priests of Zuoken offered a restoration spell at a cost of 15,000 gold pieces. An agreement was reached whereby Gnorcia would undergo a binding spell and adhere to a contract involving debt repayment and a commitment to a modest lifestyle. The regeneration spell was then successfully cast, restoring Gnorcia's limb. 

Upon their return to Orlane on the 14th day of Patchwall, a merchant train arrived, offering various supplies and magic items. Several members of the group engaged in transactions, acquiring items such as compasses, magical bedrolls, a muffling cloak, and healing provisions. Additionally, one member facilitated the exchange of silver currency for platinum and gold. 

Having contributed to the initial recovery efforts in Orlane for several days, the group prepared to depart for a location known as the Barrowmaze on the 16th day of Patchwall. Prior to their departure, they partook in a meal at the Foaming Mug. The journey to the Barrowmaze was uneventful, though a sense of unease and observation was noted upon entering the Dim Forest, which they had to transverse to get to the Barrowmarsh. 

Upon reaching the entrance of the Barrowmaze (amid the Barrowmarsh), one member, Lhoss, investigated a steaming mug containing an opaque liquid. Another member, Arnd, consumed the liquid, which subsequently resulted in the expulsion of numerous worms. Undeterred, the group proceeded into the subterranean structure. Discussions ensued regarding past encounters within the maze, including references to portals and a prior incident involving a mushroom that led to Gnorcia's limb loss. 

As the group ventured further, they encountered hostile entities identified as Huecavas, a form of undead. A combat engagement ensued, with one member, Armatzi, successfully turning the undead creatures. Other members, Dwerom and Gnorcia, then attacked and eliminated the fleeing Huecavas. Following the encounter, it was determined that the remains of the Huecavas offered no material gain. 

 

Session 182: Another Night, Another Tale (Yawn)

 

Alright, pull up a stool, grab a lukewarm ale, and let me tell you about the delightful evening I had. Just another night slinging drinks at the ol’ inn, and who should stumble in but our favourite band of slightly-less-than-merry adventurers. Fresh from… somewhere. Honestly, half the time I tune them out until they start waving coin at me.

Apparently, they'd been having a grand old squabble about their “equipment”. You know, the usual assortment of pointy things, slightly damp cloaks, and what someone eloquently described as the “putrid remains of a rat”. Surprisingly, no takers on that last one. You’d think someone would want a conversation starter like that.

The cloak situation was particularly riveting. Apparently, there was a plain old “cloak” and then a “hooded leather cloak” which prompted one of them to declare they were now “so cool”. Honestly, the bar for coolness gets lower every time these guys show up. 

Then came the pressing issue of a “throwing axe”. Apparently, you can have one, but using it is a whole different kettle of fish involving something called “proficiency” and “levelling up”. Sounds like a lot of effort for something you just… throw. One of them even had the audacity to ask the weight. The DRAMA! It’s five pounds, apparently. Page 84, if you’re keeping score.

Oh, and speaking of carrying things, one of them, a charming fellow, mentioned he had 19 scalps in his backpack. NINETEEN. And they were getting wet. Lovely image for a pre-dinner chat. I swear, sometimes I think they just say these things to see my reaction. I mostly just try to look busy wiping down the same spot on the counter.

There was also a whole kerfuffle about an “ivory box”. Turns out it was like a piggy bank for the group, filled with a delightful mix of platinum, silver, copper, and some shiny rocks they called “carnelian”. Fancy. They also debated the merits of keeping some old spell books. Apparently, they’re mostly useless unless you’re a “magic user,” which most of this lot aren’t. Something about unique handwriting, you see. Though there’s a loophole for “jesters,” maybe? The rules change more often than my socks (and that’s saying something).

Then came the treasure hunt part. Seemed like they were double-checking if they’d pilfered everything, including some “onyxes” and a “small shovel”. Thrilling stuff. Oh, and two “whetstones”. Because apparently one just isn’t enough for a band of heroes.

They even brought back the horses they’d borrowed (or possibly just acquired). Named them “Durgga Grimstride” and “Butter Hoof,” if you can believe it. Honestly, the names these adventurers come up with. They haggled over the stable fee for a good five minutes. Cheapskates.

Then came the best part: dinner. Most of them went for the “plain dinner” – barley stew, hard cheese, the usual. But one of them, a Farro-sounding fellow, went all out with a “seven course dinner”. Small pickled herring, fancy broth, a roasted… “capon”? Honestly, the descriptions went on and on. Meanwhile, the rest of them were probably eyeing his plate with envy while gnawing on their dark rye bread.

After stuffing their faces, they got all philosophical about the rise of some “temple of elemental evil”. Sounds ominous. Apparently, they’re being sent off to investigate. Good riddance, I say. More room at the bar.

Oh, and the loot! Sweet merciful Pelor, the loot. They sold a mountain of stuff – gems, armour, swords, you name it – and walked away with fifteen THOUSAND, SIX HUNDRED AND NINETY-SIX gold pieces. You’d think they’d be buying the whole tavern a round, but no. They mostly just talked about experience points and “levelling up”. Apparently, that’s more exciting than sharing the wealth.

One of them even bought a +1 dagger off another. Thrilling. They couldn’t even agree on a name for it. I suggested “Stabby,” but no one appreciated my input.

And then there was some nonsense about one of them being a mystic and having to donate most of their newfound wealth because of some self-denial rule. Honestly, you couldn’t make this stuff up.

So, yeah, just another night with the heroes of… wherever. They’ll be back, no doubt, with more tales of giant rats (dead or alive), questionable loot, and endless debates about the proper way to swing an axe. Until then, at least it’ll be quiet enough to finally dust those top shelves. 

Session 181: Looting Lareth's lair

Right then, gather 'round, ye landlubbers and pointy-ears! It's me, uh... hic ... Gorgi Stonebeard, at yer service! Or maybe I'm retired. Can't rightly recall after all that fine dwarven ale... and some human rotgut they found. Don't tell no one.

Anyways, thought I'd share a tale or two of some adventurin' days (the adventurers who gave me this ale). Found some right proper loot lately, they did! A whole room full, it were!

• Boxes o' food, enough to feed a small army, maybe even a hungry dwarf like meself.

• Two fine warhorses, though I ain't much of a rider myself. More of a ground-pounder, ye see. They even had "proven," whatever that means. Sounds fancy.

• Gold and treasure aplenty! Off them... uh... bad lads they tangled with. And their fancy leader, Lareth. The found some shiny gems on him and his mate Marcus. Good haul, good haul!

• They even found their lost stash! Two boxes crammed full o' armor, weapons, backpacks, the lot! Hastily stuffed, mind ye, like they were expectin' company. Which they got. 

• Then there were the fancier bits in Lareth's room. A fine-lookin' necklace o' fire opals in an alabaster box, no less!. Many silver goblets and plates and utensils too fancy for a proper dwarven meal, if you ask me. And enough liquor and wine to drown a goblin (though they mostly kept the hard stuff).

They even found a filactory! Sounds important, that does. And a ruby off o' Lareth. All went into the pile... mostly. Couldn't put the horses in the pile, now could they? Or the food and drink. And somethin' called "prov'er." Turns out it's just grass. Fancy word for it, eh?.

Things got a bit hairy after all that lootin'. Heard some rattlin' o' chains comin' from the south. Gave me the shivers, it did (just hearing about it). Then there were doors with spikes in 'em! Had to pull 'em out. Took some strength, that did.

And then... oh boy... there was this singin'. Like the most beautiful woman you ever did hear. Almost made young JT run off! Had to be dragged back, the poor lad. Started scratchin' at the doors like a wild badger. They even had to tie him to a chair!. Good thing someone had rope.

Tried to sober him up with some of that human liquor. Just made him belch and spew all over the table. Disgustin'! But then Opelle, bless her pointy ears (don't tell her I said that!), she did some magic and put him right to sleep. Snoring like a grumpy cave bear, he was.

Anyways, they got all the shiny bits sorted. Gems, jewelry, magical weapons and armor... Elmo's stuff too. Seems his chain mail, shield, and battle axe were all enchanted. They even found a suit o' plate mail that glowed with magic. Can't wait to see what that's all about.

Split the coins, they did. A right proper haul, enough for a good few rounds at the tavern! Zora, bless her heart, she took charge o' carryin' most o' the fancy stuff in makeshift saddlebags made o' bedsheets. Smart lass, that one.

They even found some tapestries in Lareth's room. Not the kind you'd hang in yer grandmama's hall, mind ye. More like... erotic and dark scenes, with spider-women and such. Gave me the creeps, they did. But maybe some collector in town will pay good coin for 'em.

Got all sorts o' gear from them fallen adventurers too. Backpacks, cloaks, weapons, even a goblin skull!. Might be useful, might not. But we ain't leavin' nothin' behind if it's got a bit o' value.

So that's the tale so far. A good fight, a lot o' loot, and a companion who went a bit loopy from a pretty song. Just another day in the adventurin' life, eh? Now, if you'll excuse me, this ale ain't gonna drink itself! Burp! Cheers!

Session 180: Sunsebb 20 or Lacy Snows - Where Tactical Genius Goes to Die

<Change voice to one of acerbic wit> 

Another week, another delve into the thrilling world of Hommlet on day 20 of Lacy Snows (or whatever whimsical name the pointy-eared folk have conjured up this time). This means, if my calculations are correct, our intrepid heroes have been fumbling around for the better part of two decades in elf years.

This session kicked off with the dramatic reappearance of one JT, who apparently materialized out of thin air only to immediately return to his favorite state: horizontal and unconscious. A true paragon of heroism. The party, meanwhile, was in peak condition, described as "haggard" with clerics devoid of spells and healing potions scarcer than intelligent decisions in this group.

The ensuing debate about their dwindling resources was a masterclass in collaborative strategizing. Would they share their precious St. Cuthbert and Druid potions? The tension was palpable. One player, clearly a budding capitalist, even floated the brilliant "business idea" of buying all the potions in the future and then generously marking them up for his injured comrades. Such altruism warms the heart, doesn't it?

The pressing issue then became what to do with the aforementioned lump of unconsciousness, JT. Should they babysit him with the equally incapacitated Mark and Melissa? Carry him along like a particularly inconvenient sack of potatoes? Or perhaps wait for the elusive Crassus and his rumored Druid potion? The level of agonizing deliberation over this simple problem could rival the decision-making process of a particularly indecisive sloth. A vote was even held! Democracy in action, folks. Eventually, the brilliant solution was to just drag JT along. Problem solved! (Until combat, naturally).

Progress through the "moat house" (not "barrowmaze," much to one player's chagrin) was, shall we say, leisurely. After extensive probing of the perfectly sturdy floor, they reached a door, which JT was apparently keen to knock on. Luckily, Zorla, displaying a rare moment of foresight, suggested checking for traps. The inspection revealed absolutely nothing dangerous, yet somehow failed to inspire confidence. This pretty much sums up their investigative skills.

The door was eventually opened, revealing... an ambush! Who could have possibly foreseen that? Our heroes, displaying their usual tactical prowess, promptly tried to slam the door shut. Crossbow bolts were exchanged (mostly missing, thankfully, as their armor class is apparently a closely guarded secret), and the stage was set for another glorious display of disorganized combat.

Then came the pièce de résistance: Contristo's impromptu surrender and recruitment by the villain, all in the name of resisting the irresistible. One can only admire such dedication to… something. While Contristo was being efficiently removed from the immediate threat (and presumably contemplating his life choices), the rest of the party engaged the remaining guards with a mixture of missed attacks, wild oil-throwing, and general panic.

The oil vials, however, proved surprisingly effective, turning the tide in a way that actual combat skills apparently could not. The villain, Lareth, despite his honeyed words and claims of power, seemed remarkably susceptible to being doused in flammable liquids.

Amidst the chaos, Zorla fell unconscious, only to be revived by a timely healing potion from Azra. Teamwork! A truly rare sight. The battle raged on, featuring such tactical gems as flanking maneuvers that failed spectacularly, and attempts to backstab armored foes with daggers (spoiler alert: it doesn't go well).

In the end, through a combination of lucky rolls, persistent oil attacks, and sheer stubbornness (or perhaps the villain's utter incompetence), Lareth was finally dispatched. The session concluded with the promise of loot and a move to the dreaded "barrowmaze" next time. One shudders to think what strategic brilliance awaits them there.

One can only hope that in the intervening week, these heroes will have a long, hard think about the fundamental principles of adventuring. Or, more likely, they'll just show up next session and continue to provide us with this weekly dose of delightfully inept entertainment. Until then, may your rolls be ever in your favor (unlike theirs).