Right then, gather 'round, ye landlubbers and pointy-ears! It's me, uh... hic ... Gorgi Stonebeard, at yer service! Or maybe I'm retired. Can't rightly recall after all that fine dwarven ale... and some human rotgut they found. Don't tell no one.
Anyways, thought I'd share a tale or two of some adventurin' days (the adventurers who gave me this ale). Found some right proper loot lately, they did! A whole room full, it were!
• Boxes o' food, enough to feed a small army, maybe even a hungry dwarf like meself.
• Two fine warhorses, though I ain't much of a rider myself. More of a ground-pounder, ye see. They even had "proven," whatever that means. Sounds fancy.
• Gold and treasure aplenty! Off them... uh... bad lads they tangled with. And their fancy leader, Lareth. The found some shiny gems on him and his mate Marcus. Good haul, good haul!
• They even found their lost stash! Two boxes crammed full o' armor, weapons, backpacks, the lot! Hastily stuffed, mind ye, like they were expectin' company. Which they got.
• Then there were the fancier bits in Lareth's room. A fine-lookin' necklace o' fire opals in an alabaster box, no less!. Many silver goblets and plates and utensils too fancy for a proper dwarven meal, if you ask me. And enough liquor and wine to drown a goblin (though they mostly kept the hard stuff).
They even found a filactory! Sounds important, that does. And a ruby off o' Lareth. All went into the pile... mostly. Couldn't put the horses in the pile, now could they? Or the food and drink. And somethin' called "prov'er." Turns out it's just grass. Fancy word for it, eh?.
Things got a bit hairy after all that lootin'. Heard some rattlin' o' chains comin' from the south. Gave me the shivers, it did (just hearing about it). Then there were doors with spikes in 'em! Had to pull 'em out. Took some strength, that did.
And then... oh boy... there was this singin'. Like the most beautiful woman you ever did hear. Almost made young JT run off! Had to be dragged back, the poor lad. Started scratchin' at the doors like a wild badger. They even had to tie him to a chair!. Good thing someone had rope.
Tried to sober him up with some of that human liquor. Just made him belch and spew all over the table. Disgustin'! But then Opelle, bless her pointy ears (don't tell her I said that!), she did some magic and put him right to sleep. Snoring like a grumpy cave bear, he was.
Anyways, they got all the shiny bits sorted. Gems, jewelry, magical weapons and armor... Elmo's stuff too. Seems his chain mail, shield, and battle axe were all enchanted. They even found a suit o' plate mail that glowed with magic. Can't wait to see what that's all about.
Split the coins, they did. A right proper haul, enough for a good few rounds at the tavern! Zora, bless her heart, she took charge o' carryin' most o' the fancy stuff in makeshift saddlebags made o' bedsheets. Smart lass, that one.
They even found some tapestries in Lareth's room. Not the kind you'd hang in yer grandmama's hall, mind ye. More like... erotic and dark scenes, with spider-women and such. Gave me the creeps, they did. But maybe some collector in town will pay good coin for 'em.
Got all sorts o' gear from them fallen adventurers too. Backpacks, cloaks, weapons, even a goblin skull!. Might be useful, might not. But we ain't leavin' nothin' behind if it's got a bit o' value.
So that's the tale so far. A good fight, a lot o' loot, and a companion who went a bit loopy from a pretty song. Just another day in the adventurin' life, eh? Now, if you'll excuse me, this ale ain't gonna drink itself! Burp! Cheers!
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